I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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