VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
