recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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