my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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