just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Come share oat with me in your robe
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
