guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
