She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
