Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
