Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
