Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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