You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
