actually, I'm a sock model
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
