I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
