yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
