Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
