Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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