apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
