Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
