I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
