i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
