I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Randomize
