I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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