It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
