guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
