just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
