You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
