Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
