I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need moral support for this bender
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
