no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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