You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
