Don't make out with my wife yet
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
