stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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