Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
