We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
