i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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