We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
