How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
