she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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