hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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