i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
