Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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