he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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