I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
