Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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