i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
