Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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