we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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