p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
