Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
