There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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